Single Moms: Don’t Count on a Partner for Financial Stability

The Wisdom of Financial Independence

“A man is not a financial plan.” Those words were spoken to me by a colleague during a discussion about career development. She was a talented software engineer named Sarah, with two teenage children and an ex-husband who had been unemployed for years due to health issues. Despite never finishing college, Sarah had worked her way up in the tech industry, now earning $180,000 a year at a leading software company.

If Sarah had believed she needed a man with a high income to solve her financial challenges, she wouldn’t have considered dating Tom, her current partner. When they met, Tom was transitioning careers and barely making $40,000 a year—less than a quarter of Sarah’s income. If she had been “dating for dollars,” she would have overlooked Tom in search of someone more financially established.

The Pitfalls of Financial Opportunism in Relationships

While financial stability is important, pursuing relationships primarily for monetary gain is a problematic and ultimately unfulfilling strategy. This approach, often frowned upon in society, can lead to several negative outcomes:

1. Lack of genuine connection: Focusing on a partner’s wealth may cause you to overlook incompatibilities in personality, values, and life goals.
2. Ethical concerns: Entering a relationship under false pretenses or with hidden motives is deceptive and potentially harmful to both parties.
3. Power imbalances: Relationships based on financial provision often lead to unhealthy dynamics where one partner holds disproportionate control.
4. Personal growth stagnation: Relying on someone else’s resources can hinder your own financial and personal development.
5. Reputation damage: Others may perceive you negatively if they suspect your motivations are primarily financial.
6. Emotional unfulfillment: Genuine love and companionship are difficult to cultivate when financial gain is the primary goal.
7. Increased relationship instability: If financial circumstances change, the relationship may crumble due to lack of deeper connections.

Instead of seeking a partner for their wallet, focus on building your own financial independence and forming relationships based on mutual respect, shared values, and genuine affection. This approach leads to more balanced, fulfilling, and lasting partnerships.

Remember, a person’s worth extends far beyond their bank account. By valuing character, compatibility, and emotional connection over financial status, you open yourself to richer, more meaningful relationships.

Building a Foundation for Success

My friend Elena has a similar story about achieving financial independence. After her divorce, Elena hadn’t worked full-time in over a decade, having focused on raising her three children. Her resume was sparse, with only part-time and volunteer work listed. Unlike Sarah, Elena wasn’t pulling in a six-figure salary right away. However, she leveraged her passion for graphic design into a freelance career, carefully budgeted her expenses, and made strategic financial decisions. Through her planning, discipline, and a bit of luck, Elena avoided falling into debt. As a single mother, she managed to provide a comfortable life for her children, even affording occasional family vacations, all without relying on a spouse for financial support.

My own career has flourished since marrying my wife, Rachel, four years ago. Would that growth have occurred if Rachel’s finances weren’t already in good order? It’s hard to say. Because Rachel was financially stable, I felt comfortable taking some calculated risks in my career that I couldn’t have considered if we were living paycheck to paycheck. My income has more than doubled since we got married. Rachel could consider dating and marrying me because she didn’t “need” me to rescue her from financial difficulties. At that time, I wasn’t in a position to do so anyway. Instead, we were able to join forces, each contributing meaningfully, and grow together.

The Pitfalls of Financial Dependency

The Bible offers timeless advice that applies to financial independence:

“The borrower is slave to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7)

This principle extends beyond just monetary loans. When you rely entirely on someone else for financial support, you may find yourself in a position of vulnerability and reduced autonomy.

Gone are the days when marriage was primarily an economic arrangement. Today’s relationships thrive on mutual respect, shared goals, and equal partnership – including in financial matters.

Being financially stable makes you a more attractive partner. It demonstrates responsibility, ambition, and the ability to contribute equally to a relationship. This can lead to healthier, more balanced partnerships based on mutual respect rather than financial need.

Creating a Financial Plan

Understanding basic financial principles is crucial. Many community colleges and non-profit organizations offer free or low-cost financial literacy courses. Investing time in these can pay dividends in your financial future.

To create a financial plan:

1. Assess your current situation
2. Set clear, achievable goals
3. Create a realistic budget
4. Develop a debt repayment strategy
5. Start saving, even if it’s small amounts
6. Consider additional education or training
7. Explore entrepreneurship opportunities

Financial independence is not just about money – it’s about empowerment, choices, and security. By taking control of your finances, you open doors to healthier relationships, better opportunities, and a more secure future for you and your children.

Remember, your worth is not determined by your bank account or relationship status. You have the power to create the life you want, regardless of past setbacks or current challenges. Start today, and step by step, build the financially secure future you deserve.

Love and the desire to build a life together are the reasons to marry. Money is just a practical resource you need to keep living happily together under the same roof. The woman who has found a way to be more financially secure before she has married is less likely to find herself in a situation where, “he shall be the head, and thou shalt be the tail.”

There are numerous resources available for single mothers seeking financial education. Here’s an overview of some key options:

1. Government Programs:
   • The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services offers various programs, including financial literacy courses.
   • Many states have specific programs tailored for single parents. Check your state’s Department of Social Services website.
2. Non-Profit Organizations:
   • Women’s Institute for Financial Education (WIFE) provides free financial education specifically for women.
   • National Foundation for Credit Counseling offers free or low-cost financial education and counseling.
3. Online Courses:
   • Coursera and edX offer free financial literacy courses from reputable universities.
   • Khan Academy has a personal finance section with free video lessons.
4. Local Resources:
   • Community colleges often provide free or low-cost financial education workshops.
   • Public libraries frequently host financial literacy programs.
   • Local credit unions may offer free financial education as part of their community outreach.
5. Financial Institutions:
   • Many banks and credit card companies have free online resources for financial education.
   • Some, like Capital One’s Money Coaching program, offer free one-on-one financial coaching.
6. Books and Podcasts:
   • “Smart Women Finish Rich” by David Bach is popular among single mothers.
   • “The Financial Diet” podcast offers practical financial advice for women.
7. Smartphone Apps:
   • Mint and YNAB (You Need A Budget) offer budgeting tools and educational resources.
8. Workforce Development Programs:
   • The Workforce Innovation and Opportunity Act (WIOA) provides job training and education, which often includes financial literacy components.
9. Faith-Based Organizations:
   • Many churches and religious organizations offer financial education programs, like Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.
10. Professional Associations:
    • Organizations like the Association for Financial Counseling and Planning Education (AFCPE) can connect you with certified financial counselors.

Remember, the key is to find resources that fit your specific situation and learning style. Don’t hesitate to combine different resources to create a comprehensive financial education plan.